once in a Blue Moon.

Today, December 31st 2009,  is supposed to be a night of once in a Blue Moon. I have to say that for me it's pretty appropriate. I haven't  had such a good year, like how this one has been, in a while. This year has brought on new challenges, new beginnings, new endings, new families, new hobbies. Well you get the picture, this year brought on many new things that made it exciting. It has shown me many life lessons. Too many to name them all. I just wanted to share with you all that this year... well it was pretty freaking amazing. I can't wait to see what 2010 brings. I hope that this new year keeps this new chapter of my life escalating towards the next.

I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR !

oh and keep a look out for that BLUE MOON !

These are a couple things that I look forward to in 2010:

1) a fresh start.

2) losing weight.

3) much more writing.

4) passing my classes.

5) editing the Cafe Cultura magazine.

6) new challenges.

7) new surprises.

8) want to take a couple trips.

9) trying to actually focus on my novel.

10) entering NanoWrimo.

What are you looking forward to in 2010?

Cheers ! 

No Kiss Blogfest Contest !

Merry late Christmas to all of you !

This Christmas was pretty awesome for me. The best I've had in a while. I cant help but think about the writing adventures that await me with my new pink dell mini ! Im telling you guys, its tiny ! Im going to be taking that thing everywhere, no doubt about that. And of course the pictures I'll be posting up coming from my brand new awesome camera ! Photo albums are going to be made ! stay tuned for pictures.

Anyways, Im pretty excited here trying to figure out what to write for the No Kiss Blogfest. Im also very excited to read all the amazing scenes from all the other writers. Especially my beautiful best friend, who just so you all know is the best writer I know, Victoria. S. Hands Down, She's pretty amazing. You should check out her blog.

Speaking of which she just passed down an award for me ! I received The circle of friends award, which is pretty awesome. And to top it all off its my first award. So thanks for always believing in me Vicky. i love you very much.

So according to her, i have to list five things about me:

1) Im obsessed with the color pink. dont judge me lol.

2) Im actually craving coldstone right this second.

3) I want to see snow, really really bad.

4) I cant wait to lose some weight starting right after new years.

5) I actually miss my kids from work.

wish me luck on the contest !
im ecstatic ! (:

love from another angle.

When you love someone, you should never get tired or bored of them. It does not happen. You can get tired of them hurting you by saying or doing things to hurt you, but if you love them because they are what makes you happy, then you should never get tired or bored in the first place. Being with someone you love should be the happiest moment of your day. If a whole day passes by and you don't feel like it is necessary to see that person, then I have news for you... your not in love. Your not head over heels in love with the person your with whatsoever. That person should be the center of your world, the person you put before everyone in your life. Being able to spend a whole day with them just laughing, talking, making love, being around family, and just enjoying each others company... believing only in eternity's time...that being with them is never too much...

that is love.

 

inner thoughts.

The people who can hurt you the most are those that you love the most. I can now honestly say that when you love someone you always run the risk of... well risking it all. Love really is a gamble. You play big or go home. Love is... All or nothing. Your either happy or not. But when moments like these come around, you start to think way too much and it messes with your head, at least it messes with mine. I start to doubt myself. I start to think that maybe i shouldn't worry about the little things. But I have to. I cant help but think about the way things are said and the things that are done. The way one acts, always has consequences. Whenever I do something that shouldn't have been done or said, I always face consequences. Those consequences always lead me back to the path where my true self lies, I simply have to learn from them.

j & i ; <3

our first thanksgiving together !

and many more to come (:

gobble gobble !

have a happy thanksgiving, all of you !

my PINK christmas list <3

PINK laptop

PINK camera

Vera Wang - Princess

Victoria Secret - Gift Card

Pink Samsung Behold

 PINK wallet

all of the above would be great ! (:

incredible !

completely underestimated Jacob.

for once i have to say,

Go Team Jacob ! (:

can't wait for Eclipse,

June 2010 !

7 months and counting...

believe.

perfect morning.

I wanna wake up and feel my heart beating,

beating for you.

waking and feeling your breath on my skin.

feeling your hands on my body,

feeling the sensation of your protective masculine touch,

surrounding every inch of me.

Our legs intertwined with one another.

the warmth from your heart aspiring to reach mine,

not realizing that my heart yearned for the same warmth towards you're heart.

Both seeking, craving one another, wanting to obtain each others heart and love.

Two hearts wanting to mesh together and become one, as a whole.

Both wanting to reach the point where without each other we couldn't breath,

we couldn't live without one another, we'd be lost.

my favorite quote:

the ignorance of beauty.

sometimes i sit here thinking and wish that you could see you through my eyes. Just so you could see, see the beauty that lies within. The beauty of you that i cant ignore. That beauty that always caught my attention. The beauty that keeps me wanting more. You're soul is the purest I've ever encountered. I look into your eyes and i know. I know that you're the real thing. I know you wont hurt me. i know you're going to be there through everything that comes my way, or any obstacle that thinks its going to break us. I know deep in my heart, it wont, because you are here with me confronting and fighting against it.
i know it's you. i just know.

waterfall.

one million thoughts running through my mind, and it kills me. You keep making choices that keep hurting me and they don't stop coming. they are like a waterfall, hitting me one after the other nonstop.

nonstop questioning you, nonstop imagining the wrong things.

this waterfall keeps breaking me down.

breaking down my faith and hope.

breaking every little piece of my happiness.

breaking the connection that i feel with you everyday,

just for these moments i lose that connection.

i lose the faith, i lose the hope..

then i reach for your hand, look into your eyes,

and hear you're words.

my worries disappear.

its that simple for you, just make me believe in you.

help me keep faith in you, help me have hope.

skydiving.

great results require great ambitions.

soaring.

you find yourself searching for the words to describe what you feel,

but nothing comes to mind.

There is no explaining this cause its like nothing you've ever felt before.

How do you express what your feeling when you don't

even know what is happening to you? 

How do you say how much you love a person when

this person is your life, your world, your everything?

How do you explain that? for me its difficult.

All i can say is that

when he smiles it feels like a ray of sunshine beaming at me.

When he's sad it feels like my insides are being torn out,

it brings me pain to see him hurt.

When he sleeps it brings me sanity to watch him be at peace with the world.

When he looks at me its like i want to burst into tears cause he's mine.

He's my reason, he's my weakness, he's my strength,

every minute with him makes everyday better.

never forget.

I'll never forget that day in class. That day was another boring day at school. We had a new subject to learn in math. I was completely lost. I kept asking the teacher the same question over. I just couldn't seem to understand the problem. As i asked again, the same question, i heard a soft whisper coming from the back of the room followed by a distant laughter. I was so enraged to hear someone mocking me. As i slowly turned, I realized that it was the new girl laughing and complaining about me because i was not understanding the problem. I spotted her through the people in the room and just stared. She changed from laughing to smiling. I was ready to tell her off, when I turned back I finally understood the problem. I was still upset that she laughed but it was alright, I wasn't going to let her get to me. The rest, like they say, is history. Little did I know, that one day that stuck-up preppy new girl, would be the BEST best friend a girl could ever ask for, an amazing sister, and my future wife <3

Victoria Saavedra is the greatest!

anywhere but here.

Right now, I'd be anywhere but here.

Anywhere but here, sitting in this room all alone.

looking around, I see the empty bed,

the little bit of light shining from the closet door,
the silence of the night is taking over.

& not having you here beside me is like not having the air i need to breath.

Slowly this feeling eats away at me.

This feeling that I've grown to know, won't go away until your here in my arms.

I'm stuck, stuck here while your there.

Oh please, anywhere but here.

two hearts, as one.

I didn't think that this love could grow stronger, but it has.

It grows stronger everyday. Every time we overcome any obstacle in our way, 
we grow stronger as o n e. 
We keep growing t o g e t h e r more and more everyday. 
Learning how to treat and respect one another.

We learn how to keep each other from hurting in any way, 
but most importantly when we n e e d one another, we are there for each other.

Our love is not forced, it comes natural.

Its genuine, its REAL.

breaking all the rules.

We all live in fear of losing the person we love. We'll do anything to keep them by our side.
After being in many pointless relationships, one learns whats right or wrong, what leads to good things or bad things. We keep precaution of any repeats, or signs that will inevitably lead to the same mistakes that occurred in other relationships. Its not really about comparing, its more about not wanting to lose hope in someone that you thought wouldn't make those same choices.
You thought you found someone who would never even think about doing those things to you, then you find out that you've fallen back into the same place where you left off. And what sucks the most is that no matter how wrong their choices are, you cant end the relationship, even though you always said you would never allow that again. You truly love this guy. It's real. What do you do?

Well if he loves you enough, he'll fix it somehow.

Which is what he does for me.

& for that, I'll love him forever.

the hollow.

 --- i could tell he wanted to touch me but something was holding him back, maybe it was the same something that made me hesitate every time i thought about reaching out to touch him. Fear of rejection? Or fear that once our skin met it would fuse together and we wouldn't be able to pull it apart again? 

 

-The Hollow

 

A Halloween contest for all readers out there!

If you haven't read the Hollow by Jessica Verday, you're definitely missing out! Don't be left out in the cold anymore! By clicking below and signing up, you can win five sets of her haunting novel.

Link:http://lesserkey.blogspot.com/2009/10/great-hollow-giveaway.html

smile for me.

your smile is the reason i wake up in the morning

my first thought of the day is how much i love you

your kiss makes the whole world disappear,

and its just you and me here.

All I can picture are little glimpses of pure bliss

-- in my head im thinking...

hey, im all his, and he's all mine.

your arms make me feel free from all the danger in this world.

your hands on my face, your eyes focused on mine.

I can't deny your stare,

my cheeks turn a hot bright pink 

as you whisper you love me,

i cant help but think,

your what I've always wanted

and i have you here in my arms.

Baby, I'll never let you go.

won't you smile for me baby?

smile,

and brighten my days

give me a reason to believe that there's

something to look forward to in this life.

dreams.

-Locked in the deepest corners of our minds,

we have hidden the things we truly want.

conflicted.

I like to believe that I was made to dream.

I was always told to chase them.

My head fluttered with thoughts of all I could be.

My thoughts,

my inner-self pulling me in directions that conflicted with my body,

my outer-self.

That voice in my head telling me don't let go,

reach harder.

You'll make it.

Don't you dare let go.

I had to believe in myself.

I had to believe I could make it.

everything.

You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

-lifehouse.

words that touched my soul.

lost & found.

im speechless. im barely breathing.
im holding my breath now.
waiting for those words i wanna hear.
waiting patiently for the day you feel the same.
slowly losing hope.
& just when im about to give up,
just when i think that maybe im in this alone.
you come shining through finding your way,
like a rainbow reaching its pot of gold,
straight into my heart.
you finally say those word i wanna hear. . .

i love you, you whispered.

& in this moment all that mattered was that
i had you, & you had me.
we had found each other.

so when i woke up this morning & i realized,
how i can't see myself with anyone but you.
don't you dare let me go.
i love you.

inspired.

his music inspires me.

"Love is permanent, not temporary
And it's driven straight into our chest
And buried much too deep."
-- JASON REEVES.*

wait for it.

When you find love throughout your life, in the moment, you don't realize that you find many different types. You find first loves, loves that make you crazy, loves that are a lie, & loves that are just too complicated. But there's one love that you should hold out for. The kind of love that makes you want to work harder at creating a better you. The kind that when you realize you have it, you just don't wanna let it go. Because if you do you'll never find one quite like it. & that kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime. yes, you may find something similar later on in your life but you'll never feel the connection you feel with this one person. A connection that leads you to believe that what you feel for this person is love. A love that makes you feel like anythings possible. Nothing can come between you & this person. Its a breathtaking, overwhelming feeling of happiness. The kind that you'll do just about anything to keep with you at all times. The kind that makes you feel like you just won an Olympic medal or the Nobel prize. Its probably the most heart-stirring experience that one can go through, and something you'll always remember & never regret.

So my advice?
hold out for it
because you deserve the best
& its out there.
somewhere...

everyday.

everyday is a new day.
a fresh start.
everyday there's a new addition added to your past,
everyday there's a new present;
& everyday there's a new future building.

everyday you make me laugh
everyday you make me smile
everyday you make me happy

& today i realized that
i could use someone like that everyday,
someone just like you.

-- correction: you.

just for entertainment.

How fast does your mood change?
depends
Are you thinking of someone now?
oh yeah
How often do you tell people you're ok when you're really not?
often.
Why do you think so many people cheat on their bf/gf?
stupidity.
Is it hard for you to get over someone?
depends how much I care about them
Were you happy when you woke up today?
oh yeaaaahh (:
Do you miss the way things used to be?
no way; everything's better now
Where is your phone?
over there.
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
yup.
Where did you get your shirt?
a store.
Did you ever love someone that treated you badly?
yeah.
Are you happy with your life right now?
you have no idea <3
Do you think you're a good person?
yeah.
Could you last in a relationship for over a year?
been there.
Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
maybe dreaming lol (:
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
depends.
Do you miss anyone?
terribly.
Do you believe in true love?
of course.
Is there someone that you can't get out of your head right now?
Juan Canizares <3
Have you ever laughed at something that wasn't meant to be funny?
probably.
Are you a happy person?
sure.
Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
oh yes i do (:
You ever slept on a couch with that person?
nope.
Is there someone you want to fight?
peaceful!
Where do you wanna live when you grow up?
by the water.
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
shorts.
Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?
sleeping.
Would you date someone three years older than you?
done.
Would you get married if you could right now?
too young.
Is there someone you'll never forget?
of course.
Do you consider yourself spoiled?
sometimes.
Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you?
did it once. doubt I'll do it again.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
all day every day<3

pulling away.

its frustrating when you care about someone so damn much
& the hardest thing for you to do is to express to them how much you care.
This person makes you feel like nothing can happen to you.
Like you'd never get hurt, & yet something inside you is pulling away.
not letting the words come out of your mouth, no matter how hard you try.
its like your blaming this person for something they didn't do.
its not fair & you know it, but there's something pulling away.
It just hurts knowing that you'd be risking something all over again.
trying to find a way around it, but it just keeps pulling away.
Knowing how much of an accomplishment it would be to just say
whatever it is that you feel, just saying words that mean so much;
but something keeps pulling away. . .

but one day, i know that one day all of this will change.

--crosses fingers.*

Special freakin' K

So i started my diet today,
& trust me its taking some getting used to.

IM HUNGRY ! -.-

one of a kind.

beach getaway this weekend was by far the best.

next chapter of my life?

its called Juan Alberto Canizares (:

- he's one of a kind.

<3

M&M CAKE.

we made an awesome M&M cake (:
my sister, my wife & i ;
are some very awesome bakers!

it was delicious!

baby steps.

one very fun-filled, exciting, awesome-est weekend in a while.

things in my life are progressing, & everything that's still not complete,
will soon be okay. Because according to "Cruel Summer"
(written by Alyson Noel), everything will be fine.
And things will always change for the better.
---even if it does put you through your worst nightmare;
in the end there's a prize that you receive.

"the trick is to learn to see with your heart, not with your eyes."

& even though i went through a lot lately,
im glad im finally being rewarded with the love from my family,
the bestest best friend a girl could ask for & this amazing guy,
who teaches me everyday to let down my walls & trust in people more & more.

...baby steps.

a god-given face.

tonight I'll miss you.
I'll miss your arms surrounding mine.
miss your kisses so divine.
miss your eyes set on mine.
miss the little faces you put for everything we talk about.
I'll miss that damn smile;
the one next to the two little dimples that drive me wild.
But out of everything,
I'll miss my two favorite freckles.
the ones that when i see them,
they remind me that im in debt with god.
for giving me such a beautiful person to share
life's breathtaking moments with.
its undeniable;
tonight I'll miss you.

heart.

so i took a quiz on facebook & heres what it said my weakness is:

HEART;

You are often loved because of your outgoing and fun personality, and you like to give hugs and flirt, but underneath of it all you are lacking heart. You find it hard to love others through all the walls you've built around your heart from being hurt so much throughout life, but you want to love, you desperately want that fun, romance that you see in others, but you don't know if you can have it in your current circumstances. You want stability, but at the same time you need change. You go from one extreme to another and often feel overwhelmed when you can't figure out something. You think about your life often and how you can improve your character. You find it hard to settle, but you really want to. You just feel like you need to find that balance, that heart that you've been missing for so long. You need to love through the pain, but it's so hard. But the walls need to crumble for you to truly be YOU.

fearless.

Do we really expect that everything will just fall into place?
Everything will just magically find it's way?
Love will knock on your door?
it doesn't work that way.
Our choices also contribute to our fate.
you need to make it happen.

GET UP !

& do something.

unbreakable.

early morning, i wake up. Replaying stolen pieces of last night in my mind. Remembering how amazingly satisfying it felt laying beside you. Thinking how one person can make you feel like the whole world is standing still on the other side of the door. Like nothing else matters in this moment, but you and me. It feels like an unbreakable union between two souls, feeling complete with one another. Nothing can amount to this feeling, & nothing will ever be stronger than the bond that is formed by love.

daydream.

With the wind in my hair and the sun in my face, I just keep thinking of you. Thinking of all the things that we could be, should be. All of the things that make me believe that you've got a part of me. You swept me off my feet & I really don't mind. Wont you come lay with me? I've got some time. I've been thinking about the short time that we've been together & all of the emotions that we're going through is so much to handle; but completely worth the final outcome. & that is to be with you. that's all i want.

not just a name.

There's a name that lives forever in my heart. A name that no matter how close or far away, its always a part of me. Always there when i need it. Always there to keep me sane. Always there to help me get through the toughest of my days. & always there to laugh with me through the funnest days. No matter what happens, this name cannot be erased. Its engraved in the deepest part of my heart. She has me like no one else. Shes more than anyone can ever ask for, my other half, my best friend, my sister. Her name is Victoria Saavedra. & she'll always have me.

iloveyou, with all my heart.

i'll be here forever.

crossing paths.

In life you have one chance at every decision you make. One time to decide whether or not your making the right choice. One choice that can lead to a million other paths. One path that can change your life. One life is what we get. my opinion? Live it up; cause no matter what happens, you'll always look back & never regret a thing you did. & that's life, making decisions & choosing paths. & no matter which one you choose, they are always our choices.

standing on the edge.

my heads in the clouds & it doesn't wanna come back down. Your everything that I've been waiting for, everything I've been holding out for. Even after every person that promised to be around lately, none of them convinced me as much as you. You've got me wrapped up in your world. Convinced that you want me around & that I need you around just to call me beautiful everyday, to have someone believe in me so much, its scary. Your not perfect & you have a past but you definitely have a future with me.

my definition of trust.

trust: having faith in someone.

feeling like this couldn't be better. feeling like its too good to be true. & yet you continue to surprise me. Knowing that i can actually trust someone and have them trust me. I believe that trust can completely change the way a relationship works. scratch that--- if there is trust the relationship works, if not then why even bother with it.

a leap of faith.

its not easy to begin something new. It takes a leap of faith & trust in the other person. You know its worth it when the other person will do just about anything to make you happy. They make you laugh and never cry. They keep you smiling all day and never frown. They let you be yourself and never have to pretend to be someone your not. They never leave your mind. They are all you can think about all the time. You just wanna hold their hand. You catch yourself daydreaming about seeing their face. Its scary. But its a great feeling and all we need is a little faith to keep us from running away. This person might be what you've been waiting for. Not everyone is going to break your heart or hurt you. You never know this person might actually be different.

catch like fire.

maybe our love will catch like fire;
as it burns through me.
-the afters.*

finding someone to blame.

when we say "we dont care what people think"...
do we really mean it? do we actually not care?
i believe that we all care at some point.
whether you believe me or not, our peers
do have some sort of say in our choices.
especially those close to us more than others.
we do it out of fear, for we fear the unknown.
we believe that if our peers agree with our choices
it will no longer be unknown & we will have
someone else to blame, not just ourselves.

is love real?

we always have moments in life where we wonder what love is...
how can we be sure that what we feel really is love?
im sure we were born to love but sometimes you may think you love someone & surprisingly, you don't. love is a four letter word that is easily tossed around. i think we should only say it when we actually mean it. how do you know though? how do you actually know what you feel is REAL LOVE? i have "loved" 3 men in my life; but at the end of the day i still don't believe that i ever did.

love, where are you?

fighting with myself.

In my past, my choices have always been based on what is best for me. Im learning that i have to start thinking about what i WANT. I've been in positions where its either whats right OR what i want... well honestly, i sometimes feel selfish and disappointed in myself but you have to admit those people might not feel the same for me. When you think about it, there are people who you know will be there for you and then there are people who say they will be there but its just a set up. I've been at both ends of this dilemma and its not easy on either side.

happily ever now?

there is nothing like the total feeling of bliss; i have yet to feel this.
My search for happiness has been never-ending.
I don't believe that i will find it in my young years.
I've found many contestants.
Meanwhile, i have learned to mature, grow & learn from my mistakes.
I have yet to perfect the way i think & deal with my relationships.
You know they say "time changes things" but i believe you have to change them yourselves.