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Friday, January 1, 2010

No Kiss Blogfest Scene, ENJOY!

hey everyone, well i have to say that I enjoyed this contest, and I hope you all enjoy reading my scene. I can't wait to read yours ! Feel free to critique it.



The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart. -- Josiah G. Holland

 
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“John?” Her face changed, she was questioning me, wondering what I was going to do next. Only problem was I didn’t even know what I was going to do. I was just as curious as her. I put my hands to her face and she pulled back for a split second. Curiosity got the best of her and she gave in to the pull of my hands.

 My heart overjoyed with happiness. This was it. I had her. I was going to make her mine. I stared at her eyes, the ones that always drove me wild. Then I slowly tore my eyes to her lips; full and red. I craved to have control over them, just once. This is the woman who lived in my deepest hidden dreams, and here I was, ready to let her know that she was what I dreamed about every single night.

I was nervous, yet daring. I knew better than to back down now. I felt the doubt, of whether I should retrieve my hands from her face, but the urge to take the risk fired through me—its heat burned the back of my neck jolting me toward her lips. She gasped and I stopped only inches away, grazing just shy of her bottom lip. For a second I felt her pull in, I felt the electricity dancing between us, her skin turned hot beneath my hands, a burn my body welcomed—like if I was a victim of winter and her fire soothed me.

Her face lowered, causing her hair to brush against my nose, the scent revived me. There was a twist in my chest, a sudden realization of her distance. At that moment I knew what it felt like to have your heart broken for the very first time.

“John, what in the hell do you think your doing?” I sighed, knowing that was my cue for retreat. My heart would lose this war. It wasn’t meant to be this way I thought to myself. I am who I am, and I have to accept it. Even if it is a life of celibacy and a very lonely one I may add. I just shook my head and didn’t even know what to say.

“Wishful thinking, that’s what it was. Mary I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” but in my mind I knew exactly what it was. For the first time I had let love into my life. I had let it grow much stronger than just for God. I had no idea what that felt like until this very moment, and sure it was a sin. And for a moment I was ashamed, but then I realized I was human. I sinned, yes. It was a mistake for what I was- a Catholic priest. If all the people I saw everyday at church got a second chance, why couldn’t I?

Mary hugged me and kissed my cheek, “I’ll see you Sunday, John”. I gave her a slight smile and nod. She turned and kept walking as if nothing had happened. I stood there watching her.

23 comments:

V. S said...

love it! Love the idea of the Catholic priest falling in love!

Just Another Sarah said...

Yes--definitely an interesting idea! Great job! Poor guy. :)

Donna Gambale said...

Poor Father John! Excellent choice of character.

Elle Strauss said...

wow, that was a very compelling scene. Forbidden love of the highest order--you did a good job showing the priests inner struggle.

Ash. Elizabeth said...

that was good. very forbidden and i loved the voice.

Bethany Mattingly said...

I love that you didn't mention he was a Catholic priest until the end. It kept me in suspense as to what the real reason they were forbidden to be so close to each other. I definitely want to know more about this intriguing relationship. :) Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting!

Kate said...

Oh what a twist! Just when I thought she was teasing him. Good job! What's the "rest of the story?"

Also, can you tell me how to "show" all my comments? Mine are hidden until a viewer clicks on the link.

Jade said...

Ah! I love a bit of forbidden love. That's a really unique angle as well.
Nicely done.

sherrinda said...

Very nice!!! Forbidden love...sigh. :)

Kat O'Keeffe said...

I love the voice here, and the idea of the forbidden love! Good job :)

LittoMiss isuet said...

Thank you all for being so supportive and for taking the time to read my scene. I hope my comments for your scenes motivate you to keep writing. Your scenes are all great and if I haven't gotten to yours then I will.

Kate: you go to settings, then click comments, and out of the choices, click on full page.

Kate said...

I came back to read about Brother John one more time....and Honey, "a victim of winter"....chills my spine. So fresh! original. WRite me anytime you want to share something to critique!
Kate
voicedancer2002@yahoo.com
http://katelacy.blogspot.com

Nicole said...

Aw. Ouch. I feel the pain. >_<

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

OMG! This is exactly my kind of no Kiss! Wow! Thank you so much for participating and making the No Kiss Blogfest such a successful event!! You rock! :-)

LittoMiss isuet said...

HAHAHA... Kate im glad you like my scene enough to come back a second time and read it. Made me smile (:
btw I am now following you, feel free to follow me anytime.

happy writing !

Hayley said...

Aww, poor John, that just sucks. Nice job it was full of great tension!

Heather said...

Great concept, and I loved this line: "At that moment I knew what it felt like to have your heart broken for the very first time." Beautiful, and I think my heart broke just a little, too.

Lisa and Laura said...

Ooh, very Thornbirds. Fun!

VR Barkowski said...

Oh, well done! Excellent inner tension. Love that you give us a glimpse of John's passion BEFORE you reveal he's a priest. Why is it that forbidden love is so fascinating?

Diana Paz said...

Oh wow, this is incredible. Sooo intense!!

Sara McClung ♥ said...

There is just something about a forbidden love that gets me every time... Good read!!

elizabeth said...

Wow, I am impressed with the tension you have created, and just like Bethany said, I wouldn't have guessed the whys and am pleasantly surprised! Great revelation at the end!

Don't you just love writing? Is this your first novel? Love it!

PS--thank you for posting a comment on my blog! :)

LittoMiss isuet said...

Sara: Thank You very much ! (:

Elizabeth: Yes I was trying to make as much tension as possible ! And I succeeded, hah! (:

Of course I love writing. Its a really nice way to escape the real world, you can be anything you want and do anything you want.

No, this is actually not part of the novel im writing right now.
I actually just wrote this for the contest. You think I should try writing a Novel for it?